My alarm went off at 6:00 this morning and I promptly hit snooze. Then the Debate began. Do I get up to do morning devotions or do I try to catch a little more sleep? My little guy has been teething for the last couple months and I’ve been feeling the effects of accumulated fatigue on my mood and thinking. Would getting up to be with God make that better or worse?
Also factoring into this decision is the near absolute fact that, no matter how early I get up, my son is up with me in about half an hour. I’m used to, and greatly enjoy, hour to two hour long chunks of time to enjoy God, journal, read, drink coffee and otherwise become a human being fit for society. When I don’t get that time I feel like a Grump.
As my alarm went off for the second time, I found myself praying something along the lines of God, I want to get up, but if I do, I want it to be good. So could you make sure Emory sleeps for another hour or so? I’m not sure exactly what word triggered it, but I had a flash of revelation. This moment was a picture of my walk with God.
You see, I’m willing to do just about anything if there is a guarantee that God will come through. Sure, I’ll pray for that person… if you give me some sign that you’re with me. Of course I’ll evangelize… if you give me a word of Knowledge that validates me as a person and makes me look impressive. Certainly I’ll get up for devotions… if you make sure everything goes the way I want it to.
Maybe it is a control issue or maybe it is the fear of looking foolish, but for whatever reason, I try to hold God hostage and extract some guarantee that my behavior will make me look good or that things will go the way I want them too. Most of my time seems to be spent trying to tame the Lion of Judah. Let me tell you, it hasn’t worked.
My revelation this morning showed me that I have a lot of growing up to do. I now know that the next stage of my growth is to start doing things 1) because I want to or 2) because they are the right thing to do. And I need to start doing things without any guarantees. This strikes me as a more powerful way of living than what I have been doing so far. Make a choice, deal with the consequences and circumstances along the way and keep becoming the person I want to be. Seems right.
So, I got up and, yes, Emory was up in about 30 minutes and I got to start my day earlier than I wanted. But as we were playing with his farm animals I had a peace I hadn’t had in a long time. I wasn’t able to do it as long as I wanted, but I had made the decision to enjoy my King. Those are the choices I want to make because that is the person I want to be.
Thanks for reading friends.